My daughter is sick (again) with a cold. My little 2 year old has been catching a lot of illnesses at different places. People say that these germs are good and will prepare her for when she starts going to school so she won't be sick as often. All I know is that it is annoying. Something I realized today was how selfish and impatient I am, not that this anything new, but it made me realize how our kids can bring out the sin in our lives. Because she is sick now I can't go to my moms group and I can't work out and I...I...I....I. Do you see what I mean. This little germ monger is messing up my plans! Poor thing, am I concentrating on the fact that she has been sneezing nonstop and has had a pretty gnarly cough...no I have not. I am a mean mommy. Then after realizing all of this, the mommy guilt kicks in. Oh how I love the mommy guilt. I remember calling my mom when my daughter was about a year old and telling her how guilty I felt about something (of course I can't remember what it was). Anyway, her response to me was "welcome to motherhood," ain't that the truth!
Back to the sin situation. After this realization of my sin I contacted a friend to pray for me about this. My prayer was for contentment and to have a servants heart towards my children. This doesn't come naturally to me...at all, but I know that my prayer lines up with what Gods will is in my current role as a mother and in all situations. My daughter has this yucky habit when her nose is stuffed and it was grossing me out, so instead of loving her fully I was judging her, yes I was judging a two year old. Then I thought about some of my yucky habits and how God loves me unconditionally and doesn't judge me for these things, so I need to not judge my beautiful little girl but love her fully. The only way to do that is through God and I am so grateful for His love as the ultimate example of what love is. Its only through Him that I am able to love my babies and husband. My sinful heart is exposed left and right, but I am forgiven and God is working on me, that's for sure.
Life is a journey and we all have struggles. I want to be transparent about my struggles, my fears, my hopes, and everything in between. I want to be be eternally exposed. It's when we are in that place when Gods strength is shown.