To Be or Not to Be....

It is so hard to be content in this world. There are so many opportunities and what ifs. What if I wasn't a mother and wife? What would I be doing then? What if I hadn't stopped using drugs and alcohol? What then? I have been working on the art of mindfulness which basically means that I'm trying to remain present in each moment. Easier said than done. I am either in the past or tripping out on the future, to the point where I am missing out on these beautiful opportunities to just be. To be with my babies as they laugh, cry, poop and shout ;). To be with my husband, him having my full attention instead of wasting mental energy on checking my phone and the latest posts on Facebook (and oh btw, for years I rejected Facebook, still refuse to have any friends due to concern of becoming obsessed, but do belong to some groups which has led to numerous checking of posts daily, so basically......I'm obsessed).

During certain times of the month.....eh hem, I struggle with specific things, one being contentment. I go off to never never land and think about not coming back. This is not reality even though I want it to be at times. I have always looked for contentment in different places but ultimately I am always led back to the same old place, a place called discontentment, otherwise known as dissatisfaction. We will never be truly content here on earth. We are just visitors passing through. I want to live my life focusing on the eternal. A place where we will be more content than we ever imagined. The apostle Paul was a man who endured much struggle after giving his life to God and he states that no matter what the situation is that he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength (Philippians 4:11-13). He focused on God through it all and that made him content. We CAN have contentment here on earth, but the only way to be truly content is through Christ.

Lord, I thank you for all of the blessings you have provided for me. Please help me to be more content with all that you have given. I know that the only way to contentment is to look to you Lord and to continue learning about you and growing in my relationship with you. Thank you for this opportunity and thank you for your graciousness and mercy. In your precious name. Amen!

Praise God

The last month has been an interesting one as my baby boy had a bit of a scare health wise. We recently had a follow up appointment and the doctors prognosis was a good one...thank you Jesus!!

When difficulties or "what if" situations occur in my life I tend to stress and worry, that is my natural state. This time was different. I don't know if it was God protecting me from feeling these emotions or if it was me fully trusting the Lord. Something that I do know is that I have no control over these types of things. He is in control and I need to cling to Him during these times. We have had lots of people praying for our boy and are truly blessed to have all of these amazing people in our lives. It's amazing how these situations can change your perspective on things. I love my baby, but when a situation like this occurs it seems like the love is tenfold, if that is even possible.

This journey is not over yet, but with God, I know that whatever happens, we are going to fine.

Looking Up

I am so thankful for all that God has given me yet I grumble and complain about how hard things are or about other things. I feel like its so easy to be discontent in the world today. This world tells us that love, money, physical beauty, and whatever else there is will make us happy. That these things will fill that void that we all feel at times.

And then there is God, a God who many don't believe in, a God who has given us His only son that we might be saved, a God who has given us a road map to living life, along with our purpose here on earth. THIS is what we should be focusing on. THIS is the only thing that will ever fill that void. THIS is what will bring us contentment in each and every circumstance.

While I do believe this, I still struggle. I get caught up in thinking how I shouldn't be struggling as I do, especially being a Christian. Aren't I supposed to be a new creation as 2 Corinthians 5:17 speaks about? Yes I am but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to struggle. John 16:33 talks about how we WILL have pain and suffering here on earth but then goes on to say, "take heart for I have overcome the world." It's difficult not to concentrate on your circumstances and the things of this world. This world is a wretched place. Of course there are times of joy and happiness, but those things don't last forever. When Jesus says "I have overcome the world" He is telling us that all of what we are experiencing and feeling is temporary and that we should be concentrating on Him, on what He has done, and what is to come. In Romans 8:18 Paul tells us how our current sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. How amazing is that. I cannot even begin to imagine what that's going to be like.

So, with all this said, what should I be doing differently as a believer when I am discouraged, depressed, angry, or when something tragic occurs? I should be running to the one who never changes, to the one who will never leave or forsake me, to the one who personally understands what it means to suffer, to concentrate on THE ONE and what He's done.

I was at one of my mothers groups the other day explaining some of my struggles as well as what I am doing to try to feel better and "fix" my situation, when a fellow mom brought something to light for me. She said that maybe I am just supposed to sit in my current situation for a while, or maybe this will be something that is lifelong, and that even though I don't understand it, God will use it for His purposes.

God is often seen through our difficulties and suffering because that's when we admit that we can't do this on our own and have a need for Him. I am brought to my knees at times and as painful as it is, its so cool to see God's power kick in and work through it (2 Corinthians 12:9 for my power is made perfect in weakness).  I don't like feeling pain or suffering in any manner (I know, who does?). I can't promise not to grumble (but I will try!) or not to attend my own pity party, but I do commit to continue learning how to focus on Him and His purposes during those times instead of my own circumstances.

Rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:3-4

Good Intentions Gone Wrong

I have such good intentions when I wake up in the morning and what the day is going to look like (at least the first few hours) and then something happens and I lose my s***. I must admit that I have a potty mouth and I've been praying for God to to relieve me of this, but He hasn't. I think He's been trying to teach me some lessons on self control, which I'm failing miserably. How am I supposed to teach my children about appropriate language and self control when I don't model it? Do what I say not what I do (I hate that saying).

I am so thankful that God is gracious and forgiving because no matter what I do or say He loves me, unconditionally which is pretty amazing, After having my "episodes" He sees my repentant heart and opens His arms to me.

It's so easy to beat yourself up about these things (I can be the Queen at this), but then I remind myself what Romans 8:1 says which is that there is condemnation for those in Christ, for the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set us free from the law of sin and death. Whew!!!!!! That doesn't mean that I should just accept my behaviors, because I need to acknowledge that they are not okay, BUT I need to remember that I'm in the sanctification process and that's a life long process.

So, to all you mama's who might be struggling (and lets face it, we all are in different ways) you are not alone! There are other mama's who know your struggles and pains but most importantly God knows these things and He is just waiting for us to look up and crawl into those loving arms of His.


Jaime

Moving Onward

Something recently occurred with my computer which lead me to shutting down this blog for a short time. After this mishap occurred I was left feeling super discouraged and confused. I thought what I was doing was in God's will, so why were things happening to potentially stop me from doing this blog?

 I started to question myself, maybe I heard Him wrong. Was it just me wanting to write for me??? Then I realized that many times when we are in Gods will or in any way want to bring God glory, the enemy will try to stop that from happening. I will admit that my flesh also gets in the way at times. I do feel that God puts people in our lives for a reason at just the right moment, and after reading my post a friend spoke to me and was extremely encouraging which inspired me to move forward with writing, so here I am and THANK YOU friend!!!

Here are some things that I realized through this. Anything that glorifies God can't be a bad thing. I am a fighter and want to be a fighter for God. Regardless of what occurs, embarrassment, harassment, mocking, whatever else, it is not going to get in my way of glorifying my Lord (easier said than done eh). I want to show people what he did, is doing, and will do in my life. If you feel lead to do so, please be a follower of this blog so we can share our struggles, stories, and praises together. I want to know what He is doing in your lives too!! Let's share this journey of infinite transformation together.



Jaime

Sin & Sickness

My daughter is sick (again) with a cold. My little 2 year old has been catching a lot of illnesses at different places. People say that these germs are good and will prepare her for when she starts going to school so she won't be sick as often. All I know is that it is annoying. Something I realized today was how selfish and impatient I am, not that this anything new, but it made me realize how our kids can bring out the sin in our lives. Because she is sick now I can't go to my moms group and I can't work out and I...I...I....I. Do you see what I mean. This little germ monger is messing up my plans! Poor thing, am I concentrating on the fact that she has been sneezing nonstop and has had a pretty gnarly cough...no I have not. I am a mean mommy. Then after realizing all of this, the mommy guilt kicks in. Oh how I love the mommy guilt. I remember calling my mom when my daughter was about a year old and telling her how guilty I felt about something (of course I can't remember what it was). Anyway, her response to me was "welcome to motherhood," ain't that the truth!
   
Back to the sin situation. After this realization of my sin I contacted a friend to pray for me about this. My prayer was for contentment and to have a servants heart towards my children. This doesn't come naturally to me...at all, but I know that my prayer lines up with what Gods will is in my current role as a mother and in all situations. My daughter has this yucky habit when her nose is stuffed and it was grossing me out, so instead of loving her fully I was judging her, yes I was judging a two year old. Then I thought about some of my yucky habits and how God loves me unconditionally and doesn't judge me for these things, so I need to not judge my beautiful little girl but love her fully. The only way to do that is through God and I am so grateful for His love as the ultimate example of what love is. Its only through Him that I am able to love my babies and husband. My sinful heart is exposed left and right, but I am forgiven and God is working on me, that's for sure.

Life is a journey and we all have struggles. I want to be transparent about my struggles, my fears, my hopes, and everything in between. I want to be be eternally exposed. It's when we are in that place when Gods strength is shown.